40 Weeks

Due date has arrived! I can't believe I made it! Thinking back to all those sick days this seemed so far away but here we are. Mary could literally come any day now. She can come whenever she wants, in her own perfect timing. Mommy, Daddy, and a whole lot of other people can't wait to meet her. Here is a fun look back at how we have grown...

5 weeks, first trimester- apple seed

13 weeks, second trimester- apple

 

 27 weeks, third trimester- jicama

37 weeks, full term- watermelon

40 weeks, baby is fully cooked!

Mommy Boot Camp

At the beginning of my pregnancy a friend of mine told me that pregnancy is mommy boot camp. So many times have I thought about that statement and I find myself once again today reflecting deeper on how true that is. To be a good mommy the most important aspect one should strive to possess is uniformity with God's will. Our children and our life are not our own. Everything and everyone belong to God. As a mommy God is entrusting me with the incredible task of helping Him form His children into the Saints he intends them to be. For 9 months pregnancy has been trying to prepare me to give up my ways and abandon to His ways and just recently did I really figure this out. The reason pregnancy is mommy boot camp is because it comes with many unexpected turns and opportunities to get in line with God's will not my own. In life we often have ideas about how we think things are supposed to go. The problem with that last sentence is the word "we" which really should be replaced with the word "God." It should read: In life God often (always) has ideas about how God thinks things are supposed to go. Our job is to discover His ways and abandon ourselves to them. I went into pregnancy with so many ideas about how I wanted things to go. I developed an elaborate birth plan about how I think my labor and delivery should go. There was a lot of "I" thinking. But over and over again God has given me opportunities to grow in trust of Him by having things be different than I planned them to be. I have a choice now, I can either kick and scream and be upset with God or I can say thank you because I know He knows what is best. My life belongs to him and so does the life of my precious daughter. I am thankful that my pregnancy has been what it has been because it truly is boot camp as I am learning more and more to be uniform with God's will. That uniformity will be the key to being the holy mother I pray I can be for our daughter.

Full Term

Our little Mary will be considered full term on Saturday and while it will likely be a few more weeks, she could safely come any day. At the last appointment the doctor could tell that I am already making progress towards delivery and the reality of her birth being so close put my nesting into overdrive. With the help of a wonderful friend, Mary's clothes, sheets, and blankets have all been washed and baby items assembled. Physically we are pretty much ready for her but what about spiritually? We have so much "stuff" for her but these material things aren't what will fulfill her or make her the little child of God she is meant to be. Even more than physical nesting, it is time for some spiritual nesting. As God moves parenthood into the next stage for Eric and I, we need to prepare ourselves to be the parents God wants us to be.  Starting Saturday when Mary is full term I am going to take time each day to make a holy hour with our Lord. During this time I am only going to allow myself a few minutes for prayers of petition asking for a healthy and safe delivery (might even push things a little and ask for an easy delivery since He is a God who likes to spoil us :). I am going to spend the majority of the hour just listening. I know that life won't be silent much once Mary comes so I am going to use this time now to just sit and listen to Our Lord and His Mother teach me how to be a holy mother. Please keep Eric and I in your prayers. This adventure of parenthood has already proven so sanctifying and I am certain that the next stage of parenthood to a little one on the outside has even more potential to help us grow in virtue and faith if we are docile to the ways God will form us and allow Mary to push us to grow.

"Speak Lord, your servant is listening"

Wedding Video

Our wedding video has arrived. It is so fun to watch and relive the best day of my life. Click here for a link to the highlights reel if you would like to take a look :)

The ending is my favorite part so make sure you watch all the way through!

First Mothers Day

I started the day today staring at this little face, moved to tears over the joy and blessing of being her mommy. It feels like today, I want to celebrate her because it is through her that I have received the incredibly gift of motherhood and my new path to sanctity. My only desire and prayer this day is the transformation my heart to be more like the heart of the Blessed Mother so that I can be a good holy mother to my daughter. Through holding tight to the rosary and seeking every day to imitate the virtues of the Blessed Mother I may have a glimpse of Mother Mary's heart and ability to love my daughter as our heavenly mother loves all her children. I am thankful for all the women in my life who show me a mothers love, especially my mom and mother-in-law who are both incredible examples of true motherhood. A deep desire in my heart was filled the day I found out I am a mom and I pray that I may use this gift to draw closer to Our Lord! Jesus help me to love my daughter with the sacrificial love with which you love me.

On this special day I also remember heavy in my heart all of my dear loved ones who have lost their children to miscarriage and early delivery. You are forever a mother and I pray that your heart would be consoled on this day knowing that you created a perfect home for your special baby until they were entrusted again to our merciful father in heaven.

Natural Labor

As we enter the third trimester of pregnancy the conversations between Eric and I have become more and more focused on the delivery of our little one. I have said from the beginning that I would love to have a labor and delivery unassisted by any drugs and that desire has grown more and more as the day approaches. The only thing really holding me back was fear. I admit that I am afraid of giving birth (who wouldn't be?). I hear things like "it is the most pain any human will ever feel", "I felt like my insides were splitting open", "I thought I might die" and other scary statements. I have a very sensitive body and a low threshold for pain so the thought of those things happening to my body terrify me.  I witnessed a birth (thank you Andi for that honor) and was amazed at how beautifully my good friend labored. She was induced, it was her first, and she took no drugs at all (unbelievable right?). She was a champ and never once cried or screamed. She was committed ahead of time to having an all natural labor and it wasn't until right before she began pushing that she even mentioned wanting something to "take the edge off." Her husband talked her out of it because he knew she was in transition and just feeling defeated. I am sure she is glad he convinced her to stick with her goal.  Another good friend of mine had a C-section with her first baby and a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section) with her second and talks about how amazing giving birth was and how she can't wait to do it again. Having witnessed one birth and hearing the positive statements from the second help me know it is possible and gives me hope for myself. 

Now let me be clear, I am not doing this so I can have some sort of bragging rights or so I can feel like a hero. I do not look negatively in any way on women who get an epidural. Each woman needs to decide for her body what is best. The reason I am opting for natural labor is because I have done the research and the risks of an epidural scare me more than the pain of not having one. Most women who get an epidural are completely find but the statistics show that medical interventions increase C-section rates.  A c-section is certainly not the end of the world and all that really matters is that mommy and baby are healthy.  The reason Eric and I do not want a c-section is because we hope and pray for a big family and having c-sections could jeopardize that desire.

Epidurals also slow down labor and can lead to the doctor insisting on the use of petocin which inhibits the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is essential in birth and any synthetic form should only be used when medically necessary.  More on this here

One final reason we are going to seek a natural birth is due to the redemptive value of suffering and the reason childbirth pain exists. With the fall of mankind came consequences and the consequence given to women was pain in childbirth (see Genesis 3:16).  I desire to accept this as coming from God and not seek to escape it is not necessary.  I also do not want to lose this opportunity to offer my suffering back to God. In our culture we see pain as evil and something to be avoided. We live in an aspirin popping culture that constantly seeks to avoid pain.  Pain can be very redemptive and I am going to make a list of intentions that Eric can read to me during labor and with each contraction I will offer my pain to God in reparation for sin and to seek graces for those in need. Feel free to let me know if you have an intention you would like us to include. More on the redemptive value of suffering here 

If I am going to achieve my goal of natural labor I am going to need a serious game plan and a lot of support from Eric (thankfully he is on the same page as me and totally committed to doing whatever he needs to see me through labor and delivery).  Thank God one of my strengths is "input" which means I am a collector. I do not collect stamps or hats, instead I love to collect information.  I love research and have been reading every article and book I can get my hands on that might help me prepare for the experience of labor and delivery.  I have always loved pregnancy and know ridiculous amounts about pregnancy and babies and now that knowledge is finally going to pay off.  I am finding that the more I read the more I am convinced that I can do this and the more I am convinced that it is the best way. There are so many wonderful resources out there and women with amazing advice. I am willing to give it all a try to figure out what will work best for me. Preparation will be key in this process. About a year ago I ran a marathon and I never would have made it if I did not train. Giving birth is much bigger so my training needs to be even more focused. These next three months are all about training for the big day.  It is time to prepare my body, mind, and soul for labor and delivery.  All three need to be focused and committed. So from this day forward the word epidural does not exist. It is deemed a bad word in my house. I need to function as if it isn't even an option. So here I go! Pray for us!

PS: I am not totally closed to the E word if it become necessary. I know of cases where is was absolutely needed for medical reasons and if that is my case then absolutely I will use it!

Some good resources for preparing for natural labor...

http://anniegroves.com/2012/10/09/my-best-tips-for-an-unmedicated-birth-during-labor/
http://www.spinningbabies.com/
http://www.bradleybirth.com/

Not just for baby

As different physical trials present themselves during pregnancy I often think "this is all for my little girl." Recently though I was thinking that it is for more than just her that I willingly offer my body and accept sufferings that come my way. I am doing this for my husband as well. Those who know me know how deeply I love my husband and being pregnant is allowing me to love him in yet another way. He has given me the gift of motherhood and I am giving him the gift of fatherhood. When we got married the two became one flesh and my body was given to him and his to me. I offer my body as a home to grow and nurture our little girl because I love him and want to see him become an amazing and holy father. Yes I do this all for our daughter but I also do it for my husband because through this sacrifice I can give him one of the greatest gifts he will ever receive, fatherhood! Thinking about this helps me make every little pain and ache an act of love. Now to keep that in mind during labor and delivery too :)