You sleep how??

I never thought that the parenting choice I would get the most questions about would be how we sleep. My Facebook newsfeed is exploding with vaccine debates and don't you dare tell people I turned my daughter's car seat forward at 1 year but those are not what we get the most questioned about. What seems to in some cases shock people is Mary sleeping in our bed. I have wanted to write about this topic for a while not and I didn't want to just write a piece defending why it can be really good for babies (you can find that info here). I want to write a more personal piece about why it has worked so well for our family. Co-sleeping is a personal choice and it won't work for everyone, each family has to decide what will work best for their situation. For us co-sleeping has been and continues to be such a gift. I want to answer the most common questions we get and explain why we love sleeping with our little girl.

Objection 1: It's Not Safe
By far the most common comment we here. This is due to a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation of which the AAP is partially to blame. The short answer is that co-sleeping is perfectly safe when done correctly, info here. If not done correctly, like most anything, it can be dangerous. For us we sleep in a king size bed which leave plenty of room for everyone and I have a bedrail on my side of the bed so Mary is always safe from rolling off the bed. I can say first hand that the idea that a perfectly healthy mom will roll over onto her baby seems crazy. I sense Mary's every movement. I even heard her little breathing patterns when she was very little. Trust me you will not roll over onto your baby. Thankfully the AAP is looking at changing their statements which may help gain better understanding of this potentially great parenting practice, info about that here

Objection 2:You and baby will never sleep
No studies or links for you here. All I can say is that because of co-sleeping both Mary and I slept and still sleep very well. Yes she nursed frequently but I could just turn on my side, latch her on, and go back to sleep. She would nurse and then drift off herself. She is now night weaned and sleeping amazingly either in our bed or on her own mattress next to our bed.

Objection 3: Your kids will be weird and overly dependent
This is the oddest comment we get. I'm not sure why sleeping with your parents when young will make you weird. Sleeping with them at 15 is strange yes but a baby or toddler sleeping with their parents seems natural and is the practice of the majority of the world. Mary had not developed any strange ticks or grown an extra limb from sleeping with us. She also isn't clingy and anxious. She is a well attached child who is also very independent. We believe that co sleeping has actually helped her become independent and confident. She has a healthy attachment to Eric and I and knows she is safe in this world so doesn't fear exploring and trying things on her own. I believe co sleeping is one factor in her amazing attachment.


Objection 4: You will never get them out of your bed
Well I can't speak much to that one yet since Mary is still in our bed some nights but I can say that I know a lot of co sleeping families and none of them have a child over toddler age sleeping in their bed.


Objection 5: (my personal favorite) Enjoying all that celibacy?
This is the final comment we get and mostly from men (haha). It often makes me laugh out loud. It would not be appropriate to go into detail on this one but no, we have not been celibate for 21 months. I will say that some of the largest families I know are co sleeping families so clearly co sleeping does not equal forced celibacy. It can lead to a natural space between children since a co sleeping baby nurses more keeping mommy's fertility away longer but years of celibacy no.

So there it is. The common objections we get and our answers.