Wedding Video

Our wedding video has arrived. It is so fun to watch and relive the best day of my life. Click here for a link to the highlights reel if you would like to take a look :)

The ending is my favorite part so make sure you watch all the way through!

First Mothers Day

I started the day today staring at this little face, moved to tears over the joy and blessing of being her mommy. It feels like today, I want to celebrate her because it is through her that I have received the incredibly gift of motherhood and my new path to sanctity. My only desire and prayer this day is the transformation my heart to be more like the heart of the Blessed Mother so that I can be a good holy mother to my daughter. Through holding tight to the rosary and seeking every day to imitate the virtues of the Blessed Mother I may have a glimpse of Mother Mary's heart and ability to love my daughter as our heavenly mother loves all her children. I am thankful for all the women in my life who show me a mothers love, especially my mom and mother-in-law who are both incredible examples of true motherhood. A deep desire in my heart was filled the day I found out I am a mom and I pray that I may use this gift to draw closer to Our Lord! Jesus help me to love my daughter with the sacrificial love with which you love me.

On this special day I also remember heavy in my heart all of my dear loved ones who have lost their children to miscarriage and early delivery. You are forever a mother and I pray that your heart would be consoled on this day knowing that you created a perfect home for your special baby until they were entrusted again to our merciful father in heaven.

Natural Labor

As we enter the third trimester of pregnancy the conversations between Eric and I have become more and more focused on the delivery of our little one. I have said from the beginning that I would love to have a labor and delivery unassisted by any drugs and that desire has grown more and more as the day approaches. The only thing really holding me back was fear. I admit that I am afraid of giving birth (who wouldn't be?). I hear things like "it is the most pain any human will ever feel", "I felt like my insides were splitting open", "I thought I might die" and other scary statements. I have a very sensitive body and a low threshold for pain so the thought of those things happening to my body terrify me.  I witnessed a birth (thank you Andi for that honor) and was amazed at how beautifully my good friend labored. She was induced, it was her first, and she took no drugs at all (unbelievable right?). She was a champ and never once cried or screamed. She was committed ahead of time to having an all natural labor and it wasn't until right before she began pushing that she even mentioned wanting something to "take the edge off." Her husband talked her out of it because he knew she was in transition and just feeling defeated. I am sure she is glad he convinced her to stick with her goal.  Another good friend of mine had a C-section with her first baby and a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section) with her second and talks about how amazing giving birth was and how she can't wait to do it again. Having witnessed one birth and hearing the positive statements from the second help me know it is possible and gives me hope for myself. 

Now let me be clear, I am not doing this so I can have some sort of bragging rights or so I can feel like a hero. I do not look negatively in any way on women who get an epidural. Each woman needs to decide for her body what is best. The reason I am opting for natural labor is because I have done the research and the risks of an epidural scare me more than the pain of not having one. Most women who get an epidural are completely find but the statistics show that medical interventions increase C-section rates.  A c-section is certainly not the end of the world and all that really matters is that mommy and baby are healthy.  The reason Eric and I do not want a c-section is because we hope and pray for a big family and having c-sections could jeopardize that desire.

Epidurals also slow down labor and can lead to the doctor insisting on the use of petocin which inhibits the release of the bonding hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is essential in birth and any synthetic form should only be used when medically necessary.  More on this here

One final reason we are going to seek a natural birth is due to the redemptive value of suffering and the reason childbirth pain exists. With the fall of mankind came consequences and the consequence given to women was pain in childbirth (see Genesis 3:16).  I desire to accept this as coming from God and not seek to escape it is not necessary.  I also do not want to lose this opportunity to offer my suffering back to God. In our culture we see pain as evil and something to be avoided. We live in an aspirin popping culture that constantly seeks to avoid pain.  Pain can be very redemptive and I am going to make a list of intentions that Eric can read to me during labor and with each contraction I will offer my pain to God in reparation for sin and to seek graces for those in need. Feel free to let me know if you have an intention you would like us to include. More on the redemptive value of suffering here 

If I am going to achieve my goal of natural labor I am going to need a serious game plan and a lot of support from Eric (thankfully he is on the same page as me and totally committed to doing whatever he needs to see me through labor and delivery).  Thank God one of my strengths is "input" which means I am a collector. I do not collect stamps or hats, instead I love to collect information.  I love research and have been reading every article and book I can get my hands on that might help me prepare for the experience of labor and delivery.  I have always loved pregnancy and know ridiculous amounts about pregnancy and babies and now that knowledge is finally going to pay off.  I am finding that the more I read the more I am convinced that I can do this and the more I am convinced that it is the best way. There are so many wonderful resources out there and women with amazing advice. I am willing to give it all a try to figure out what will work best for me. Preparation will be key in this process. About a year ago I ran a marathon and I never would have made it if I did not train. Giving birth is much bigger so my training needs to be even more focused. These next three months are all about training for the big day.  It is time to prepare my body, mind, and soul for labor and delivery.  All three need to be focused and committed. So from this day forward the word epidural does not exist. It is deemed a bad word in my house. I need to function as if it isn't even an option. So here I go! Pray for us!

PS: I am not totally closed to the E word if it become necessary. I know of cases where is was absolutely needed for medical reasons and if that is my case then absolutely I will use it!

Some good resources for preparing for natural labor...

http://anniegroves.com/2012/10/09/my-best-tips-for-an-unmedicated-birth-during-labor/
http://www.spinningbabies.com/
http://www.bradleybirth.com/

Not just for baby

As different physical trials present themselves during pregnancy I often think "this is all for my little girl." Recently though I was thinking that it is for more than just her that I willingly offer my body and accept sufferings that come my way. I am doing this for my husband as well. Those who know me know how deeply I love my husband and being pregnant is allowing me to love him in yet another way. He has given me the gift of motherhood and I am giving him the gift of fatherhood. When we got married the two became one flesh and my body was given to him and his to me. I offer my body as a home to grow and nurture our little girl because I love him and want to see him become an amazing and holy father. Yes I do this all for our daughter but I also do it for my husband because through this sacrifice I can give him one of the greatest gifts he will ever receive, fatherhood! Thinking about this helps me make every little pain and ache an act of love. Now to keep that in mind during labor and delivery too :)

It's a Girl!

Mary Therese! We already gave her permission to become either a Norbertine or Carmelite sister ;-)

GI-Jane??

All over the news today they are talking about the new policy that allows women to serve our country in a combat zone. Many are celebrating this as a victory for "women's rights". That response is a far cry from the one I have. Here again we have the strike and doom of the very misdirected feminist movement. I am all about women being treated well and I consider myself a real feminist. By this I mean that I really do believe that femininity is something amazing that should be honored, respected, and celebrated. Unfortunately those who usually consider themselves feminists do not honor, respect, or celebrate femininity. Instead they seek to do away with it by making women just liken men. Men and women are different (thank God for that) and this world needs both. By demanding that women be treated like they are men, "feminists" are basically saying that femininity is a disease that needs to be cured, that it is something that needs to be done away with. Putting women on the front lines of the battle field does nothing to celebrate the gift that is womanhood. What a sad culture we live in where so many women are told that the very essence of who they are as women is not valuable to our world, that it is not worth protecting. We have already begun to see the dramatic and dark effects of living in a world ruled by false feminism. Mom's are no longer home raising their children because the world tells them that they deserve to work and they have much more to give to society. Women do have much to give to society, they have motherhood to give. Every child has the right to a mom at home. Studies are clearly showing the benefits on both mothers and children of a mom at home. Women are told that suppression of one of the major systems in their body (reproductive) will free them. Instead it has led to more sexual mistreatment of women and an increase in infertility and STDs. And now this new decision to put women in the battle field tells women that we don't deserve to be protected the way society did for hundreds of years. My husband always says that nature has a way of correcting itself and we will live the consequences of our actions. As society continues to see a decline in the honor and respect of femininity I hate to think how correction will come and what further consequences we will face. This is a sad day for women and for our country!

Motherhood on my Heart

It is amazing to me how much becoming a mom has already changed my life. I have never felt such a strong need to protect. In his generosity and goodness God has entrusted Eric and I with one of His precious souls and the responsibility and privilege is both wonderful and scary. It delights and weights heavy on my heart how much I need to protect our little girl and form her for her ultimate life goal of being one day united with God in heaven. My life will never be the same and my life is no longer just about me. I think constantly about my daughter. With every decision I make I think how it will effect her. I even find myself trying to simplify my life because simplicity is a virtue I would like to instill in her. I think "do I really need new shoes? The old ones are still okay and the money I save can be used to buy something for Mary." I think how much I want to love and respect Eric because I want her to grow up seeing her daddy as her hero and the man she turns to and respects above all others knowing that a profound respect for him will prepare her for marriage (if that be her vocation) and ultimately a beautiful relationship with her Father in heaven. I often think about the state of this world and how Eric and I will shield her from the evils and slowly introduce her to society so she can be a light in the darkness. I have become aware of the kinds of people I will be okay with her spending time with and the people whose influence I do not want upon her as well as people who I want in her life influencing her in ways Eric and I desire. I find the need to grow in holiness myself even more pressing because I need to develop the virtues I want to model for her. What a beautiful vocation motherhood is! I know one thing for sure, Eric and I will only be successful at raising our daughter into a Saint if we raise her on our knees placing her at the feet of Christ every single day. She is entrusted to our care but she is not our own. She belongs to God and our job is to help get her to heaven so she can be with Him for all eternity. And this journey begins now, even while she is still growing in my womb. I can see why some of the amazing mom's I have talked to said they found themselves praying several rosaries a day for their children :)