I have been asked a lot in the last month about my birth story and when I was preparing for labor and delivery I found that reading other people's birth stories was helpful so I have decided to write mine down as well. It's long but I want to be able to look back and remember the details that brought my daughter out of the womb and into our arms.
A few weeks before my due date I had my first false alarm. The nurse that I spoke to told me the baby would likely come in the next few days. Boy, was she ever wrong as Mary stayed inside 10 days past her due date. It didn't totally surprise us since at my first check at 37 weeks I was already beginning to dilate. With those words from the nurse, Eric and I went into a mode of active waiting. I became a ticking time bomb. We were expecting at any moment for me to fly into full labor. Our hospital bags were packed and our birth plan printed out (all two full pages of details). That birth plan would end up being thrown out the window but more about that later.
Days went by and no baby. My due date (July 6th) came and went. Eric took a few days off work since we thought Mary was coming but eventually we realized this baby was very cozy inside and Eric returned to work. Tuesday, July 9th, I began having pains and felt all together strange so I called Eric and asked him to come home. The pains began to get more regular so we called the doctor who told us to head to the hospital to get checked. Once we got there we realized that we had another false alarm. The nurse said it was early labor but not not active enough to be in the hospital. Once gain, they said it would likely be any day now and once again were they ever wrong. Those nurses had no idea how much this girl wanted to stay inside with her 24 hour, temperature controlled, buffet.
More time went by and we began growing weary. It was getting more and more difficult to wait. As we got further and further past my due date the discussion of induction came up with the doctor. My mom had very late babies so I had previously shared with the doctor that I wanted to wait as long as possible before inducing. She was wonderful and agreed that as long as everyone was healthy we could wait until 42 weeks to induce. At each weekly appointment they found I was making some progress but not as much as they wanted. I was having tons of contractions but they seemed to be only slightly helping my cervix along. The hardest part of this all for me was the pain I was now in. Every night for several hours Mary would move vigorously in my tummy. At this point she was so big that her movements were extremely painful and would at times leave me almost in tears. Each night I would beg God to send me into labor. I often told him I couldn't take anymore even though deep down I knew I could and had a feeling I was going to be asked to endure more days. I offered the pain for a safe delivery for Mary. I would begin to pray that the pain be an offering to not have a C-Section (our biggest concern) but could never actually gets those words out in my prayers. I knew that I needed to just put everything in God's hands and not make demands about how labor and delivery should go.
On July 14th, I began having pains again. We timed them and when they were 5 minutes apart of a few hours we headed to the hospital. It was about 2am when we got there and again they told me I was not in full labor. They said I was definitely in labor but still early labor. (By the way, if you ever read a pregnancy book that claims that you should try to go out to dinner or watch a movie during early labor, ignore those pages! Early labor is labor and it does hurt and is tiring so going out won't be in your mind.) At this point, I was 8 days past due and the doctor at the hospital requested that I stay and be induced into active labor. The doctor also saw something on the fetal heart monitor that concerned him. Her heart rate would speed up and then suddenly dip. This only happened once so he couldn't conclude anything was wrong but doctors don't really like women to go past 41 weeks and he was concerned. I did not feel at peace about being induced at this point so I asked to talk to my doctor before making a decision. My doctor asked for some extra fetal monitoring and once everything showed that Mary was just find my doctor agreed to let me go home and wait in hopes that active labor would come on its own. We asked her how we can be sure that next time isn't another false alarm and she said don't go in until contractions are 3-5 minutes apart or they pain is more than I can handle.
So back home we went but not for long. Contractions picked up again the evening of the 15th. I had over an hour of hard contractions that were 6 minutes apart. Every time Eric would check the time and tell me 6 minutes I would almost laugh. The doctor said 3-5 minutes and of course my contractions were 6 minutes apart. This little girl was teasing us! I found comfort in the warm shower but once the hot water ran out I decided to try to lay in bed. Just a few minutes later a crazy pain struck and I yelped in pain and began to cry. Something had changed! That first intense contraction was of a very different kind. I had another one just a few minutes later, then a third again a few minutes later. Eric was laying next to me in the bed and when the third contraction hit I yelled, "get me to a hospital!" With that, Eric, too, knew something had changed and he jumped out of bed and began getting everything in the car so we could go. On the way to the hospital (10 minutes away), I had three more contractions. They were coming close together and I knew this had to be real labor. We got to the labor and delivery desk and I had another one there in front of the nurses. Now, on our previous visits they had taken us to triage to assess if I was really in labor but this time they took us straight to a labor and delivery room. Eric asked how they knew I was truly in active labor this time and the nurse responded, "just look at her face, that is real labor!"
They checked my dilation and finally I had progressed another centimeter. I was admitted and the IV was started. Eric and I were excited but for some reason still cautious and worried they would send us home again. The nurses assured me that I was not going home and began giving me Penicillin because I was strep B positive. They also gave me fluids which slowed the contractions down. They were still very strong but not as regular. I decided I would get the epidural. I was previously opposed to the epidural and desired an all natural labor but I got scared and decided to accept the available help.
Before giving me the epidural the on call doctor came in to check me. After a few more hours I had not made any more progress. I felt so defeated. All those intense contractions and nothing! She said the contractions were strong enough but not often enough to dilate my cervix. She gave me three options: break my water, give me pitocin, or send me home. I immediately told Eric that going home was not an option. I was in so much pain and could not bare it much longer. This was the point when the birth plan went out the window. We did not want any induction methods but at this point we needed to trust the doctors and consider what they were recommending.
In my spiritual life I have often found that I can identify God's will because it comes with a great sense of peace. The day before, when induction methods were offered, I had no peace and knew it wasn't time. This time when they suggested induction methods I had peace and knew it was time to accept help moving things along. For some reason my body would not put itself into steady and active labor and needed a little help. After getting input from some girlfriends we decided that breaking my water was the least invasive. They came to do my epidural first and then the doctor broke my water. Right before giving me the epidural and breaking my water they checked my progress and I was at 4 centimeters. I had made it one more centimeter on my own!
After breaking my water they contractions picked up a little but upon checking my progress we found that I had not dilated any more. So now we were moving on to pitocin. I certainly did not want pitocin but at this point had little options. The pitocin worked fast and in just a few hours I was at 7 centimeters and Eric was calling our families to tell them to head to the hospital. Soon I was at 10 centimeters and it was time to push at about 8pm on July 16, 2013. The room was filled with excitement. My mom, Eric's mom, and Eric's sister all stayed with us in the room to see our little girl be born. Pushing seemed to be going well as the nurses kept saying I was pushing exactly right. After about an hour of pushing, my epidural stopped working and I could feel the intense contractions. This is where I have to admit that the movies are right. I began crying out loud at the pain. The pain was very intense thanks to the pitocin. I knew I only had two hours to push before they would get concerned so as I watched the clock tick by I got more and more nervous. After about an hour and forty-five minutes the nurse went to call the doctor. When she returned we got the worst news yet. Mary was not budging and her heart rate was being compromised during the contractions. In fact, it was doing exactly what the previous doctor saw the day prior. The nurse informed us that the doctor wanted to do a C-Section. The energy in the room died. I began to cry asking for alternatives. Eric and I desire a big family and a C-Section could pose challenges and add risks to that desire. After speaking to the doctor on the phone she agreed to wait 30 minutes to see if Mary's heart rate would get better. By the time the doctor got to the hospital Mary's heart rate was in the healthy range so I began pushing again with the doctor. Unfortunately, again, Mary seemed stuck and they were concerned her heart would speed up again so I agreed to the C-Section. As much as I didn't want to end up on the operating table, I had a sense of peace.
They took me into the operating room and prepped Eric to be with me. It took about 6 minutes to get Mary out and I felt a mix of joy and sadness when I heard the doctor say, "time of birth: 11:03 pm." I was filled with joy that my little girl was here but sad that I did not get that dream delivery I hoped for. I didn't get my baby handed to me for skin to skin contact and immediate nursing. I wasn't immediately holding my baby in my arms because I had to be stitched up. Praise God her daddy got to be with her right away. Immediately after the baby was out they pumped me with narcotics for the coming pain. I had a strong reaction to the narcotics and it took about 2 hours for me to regain my vision, stop shaking, and be able to really see Mary and hold her. In those two hours Eric bonded with his daughter. God knows what He is doing and I am sure that time of bonding will set those two up to have an incredible relationship. I worried about her attachment to me but now 1 month later I can say that is not an issue at all. Our little girl is fully attached to her mommy! We were finally taken to a hospital room and our families were let in to see Mary before heading home to get some sleep (it was now 2am).
Labor and delivery did not go as Eric and I planned. Our birth plan, in fact, was thrown out the window. In the end I learned so much from the experience. Mostly I learned to be docile to the will of God and trust that He is in control. The doctor informed me that Mary got stuck on my tailbone so no matter what we tried that girl was not coming out any other way than C-Section. The doctor heard my desire to have a big family and did a special kind of stitch ("double stitch") on my uterus that should give us the best chance at a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarian) with the next baby. I am so thankful to have had Eric by my side during this whole experience. When they were prepping me for surgery I kept saying, "where is my husband?" and once he was there I felt immediately at ease and knew I could face this with him by my side.
Here are a few pictures of Mary's first moments. You may also have seen her in the OC Register or on the local news as she and her friend Dorothy were big news since they were born on the same day with both of their daddy's assigned to the same fire station, on the same shift, live in the same housing complex, and whose fathers were also both firemen.
Ready for surgery! The position of laying like on a cross is so appropriate as this is a total offering of ones body.
Daddy cutting the cord
10 days late = a big girl! This may have contributed to her getting stuck.
Mommy and baby first meet!
Happy family!
I love my child <smiley face>." I have to first acknowledge that it is a beautiful thing to be able to see ones trials and love in spite of them. I would like though to propose a different approach to parenting. One that doesn't have a laundry list of difficulties one valiantly overcomes to still find joy. What if instead of thinking "uggg pooped on again" we thought "how silly that I just got popped on and how blessed I am to have that be a possibility because I am blessed with a child (or 2)." What if instead of thinking "when will I ever sleep again" we thought "how awesome it is to have a little miracle to tend to each night." Instead of thinking "long gone are the days of freedom and fun" and instead thinking of all the incredible growth a parent witnesses as they spend time with their children. For us moms, what if instead of thinking "when will I ever get my body back" we looked at the scars and changes to our figure and saw them as physical evidence that we loved with our whole self and are blessed to have had the opportunity to do so. Thinking like this may very well be counter-intuitive and not come naturally but if we begin to actively change the way we view parenting perhaps experiencing it as pure joy will become our first inclination. In order to grow in virtue we have to first willfully act virtuous and then the habit will form the the virtue will have been obtained. Even if you aren't yet at the point where the "struggles" are naturally joys, I propose at least speaking and writing about parenting with joy. Joyful parents are one of the best pro life messages. If I was a young girl thinking about my future and I read all these blogs about parenting being such a struggle and a stumbling block to joy I might think twice about being a mother. My personal longing for motherhood was deepened through mothers who joyfully served their family. I'm not saying parenting isn't hard but if we saw every aspect as a blessing it wouldn't feel hard anymore. What if instead of having to "offer up" aspects of parenthood, we just found joy in its every aspect. How can one achieve what I propose? I suspect it will come with a heart filled with gratitude. So many people long to be parents and would gladly take on what some see as crosses in order to participate in such a beautiful vocation. We must never take our children for granted. At the end of each day stop and think of the immense blessing your children are and as your focused thoughts change perhaps your heart will too and a heart filled will gratitude will yield a joyful soul.
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